just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
