new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You pole danced in your parka.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We're too hungover to prance.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
