the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
