This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
