I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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