my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My dick has a subreddit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
