Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
