im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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