the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
