Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
