Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
