Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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