if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
