Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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