i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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