I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
