Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
