I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
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