Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
