i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We are two peas in an std pod
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I currently don't understand fingers.
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