two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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