will power is for people who don't want to get laid
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
