how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
