Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
