I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
