So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
