Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
