Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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