i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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