My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
