You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
