He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
