i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
