I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
