I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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