scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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