It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
