I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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