I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
