Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
