If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
