she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
