drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
