the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
