I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
