No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
