Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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