You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
