I need to stop coming to work sober
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
