Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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